Monthly Archives: February 2012

Me, Myself, and I Date recipe

Spending time alone gets a bad rep! Practicing solitude sometimes gets equated with being selfish, not having enough friends, being insecure and being depressed. Also our busy world doesn’t always encourage us to BE with ourselves. With hectic schedules, numerous projects, competing relationships with family, children, friends and colleagues, solitude feels incredibly unfathomable at times. Of course spending time with others is a vital part of living full and fruitful lives. Being with others supports our creativity, our emotional maturity, our healing, our sense of belonging and helps us deal with stress and cultivates meaningful partnerships. However, the absence of alone time can sometimes be at our own expense.

Being alone, if done in a healthy way, can be incredibly liberating and fulfilling. A growing body of research suggests that carving out space for YOU supports a healthy life. It also dramatically improves our relationship with ourselves and helps us get the most out of spending time with others and being more present to the tasks we accomplish throughout the day.

In practicing solitude, something that is important for me is to figure out what being alone means and how it specifically affects me physically, spiritually and emotionally. I find that sometimes I battle with my childhood abandonment issues when I try to carve out space for myself. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like Im slacking and/or being selfish if I’m alone. Thoughts of all the things that I need to do start creeping in and pulling the guilt card and before you know it I’m running to my to-do list, my friend’s house, my iPhone, my partner’s room,  rehearsal, class, meeting etc. What ends up happening though is I start becoming tired physically, emotionally and spiritually and feel a loss of presentness in activities that I usually enjoy doing. Its almost like Im existing without the ability to fully sense, feel, touch, taste, and authentically experience my life. I’ve found that spending quality time alone brings back the savoryness of life and reinvigorates my groundedness in my own life in ways that cannot be done when Im constantly in the presence of others.

So how do we practice spending time with ourselves?!?!? There are incredibly numerous ways!! One of my favorite DIY being alone recipes is showcased by fiilmaker, Andrea Dorfman, and poet/singer/songwriter, Tanya Davis in their video “How To Be Alone”. Below is also a me, myself and I date that you can use with yourself. If you havent already done so, carve out some time this week to BE with you. You are just as valuable, important, necessary, as any of the other people and things that are in your life.

Me, Myself and I Date recipe 


1. an outfit that makes you feel fucking amazing, im talking head to toe!!! Think about what you want in your hair, your clothes, your favorite earrings, your most comfortable shoes, accessories that make you feel powerful, connected, grounded. Think about colors to wear that make you feel confident and inspire creativity, think about smells to adorn that invigorate your senses and reigninte your passion.

2. Pick two places to visit that inspires your creativity and renews your love for yourself.

3. Pick one thing you will forgive yourself for today.

4. Create a gratitude list of 5 people who love you deeply.

5. Create a gratitude list of 5 things that you appreciate about yourself

6. optional: pick one hobby or activity that you’ve been wanting to do for maaaad long but have let fear cheat you out of doing it

7. 3 healthy meals to prepare or a healthy restaurant(s) that can make you some really yummy, healthy, affordable food.

The day/night before your date:

1. Prepare all your items, make all your appointments, gather all your materials and meals, so that when you arise, all is ready for yours truly

2. Go to bed early, get at least 6-8 hours of sleep so that you can be present and  have enough energy to enjoy you and the day ahead.

3. Tell a few positive and encouraging friends what you are doing so they can check in with you after your date and celebrate your hot date afterwards.

4. If possible, get rid of your phone and shut off your computer. These are potential distractions to focusing on yourself.


The day of 

1. Arise with a few deep breaths, centering your body, mind and spirit to the moment and to the day. If it feels ok for your body, do a few cycles of sun salutations to awaken your body.

2. Continue with an expression of gratitude. This could be writing, dancing, singing, breathing, speaking all the things you are grateful for about your life. If you are having a hard time with this, I find it’s often helpful to start with the senses, the body, the mind, the spirit and then spiral out from there. Give thanks for being alive another day, for breath, for the ability to feel, touch, taste, to have limbs that move and speech to express yourself, for a home to be living in, for a bed, for rent being paid etc

3. Shower and get dressed up in your aaamaaazing outfit. in the shower I like imagining that i’m cleansing away any thing that does not serve me and breathing in renewed, rejuvenating energy into my life. Think about one thing you want to forgive yourself and imagine it washing away down the drain. Choose to let go of the pain, guilt, the low self esteem that comes with being hard on yourself.

4. Prepare and eat your first healthy meal of the day. Remember to couple your meal with lots of water, at least 8 glasses.

5. Journey to place number 1, any place that inspires your creativity and renews your love for yourself and the earth. Carve out at least 2 hours to spend at this spot. Here, create or meditate on the gratitude list for yourself. Allow yourself to read each item on the list and give yourself permission to feel the truth of who you are. For some people,  this might feel hella corny and hard to sit with at first. Let your self sit through the discomfort, acknowledge what is coming up. If you are having a really hard time, think about what might be getting in the way and why. Remember not to get hard on yourself. Just acknowledge what is coming up and choose to love yourself through it. Remember your thoughts do not define you. While you are in this space number 1, try to explore and experience as much of it as you can, in an as many ways as you can. Write and reflect on what you discover!!!

6. Eat! and drink lots of water

7. Journey to place number 2. Here, reflect on the gratitude list of the 5 people who you love deeply. Think about what you appreciate about each person and how they bless your life. Reflect on the ways you can deepen your relationship with each of them and how you can strengthen and amplify the support you give to each other. Write these reflections down and commit to having intentional conversations with each person to share and manifest that which you desire within your relationships.

8. Eat! and drink lots of water

9. Head home, listen to songs/soundtrack that makes you feel good about yourself. Have your own personal dance party or just sit and relax and give thanks to YOU for the date. If it is in flow, make yourself a healing bath.

10. Head to bed. Try to go to bed early enough to get 6-8 hours of rest.

Thank you for honoring YOU!!! Share how your experience on your date was with us and share other date ideas you have!!

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Weekly Self and Community Care Offerings in NYC Week of February 27

“Love your own being. Love your own limitless, unconquerable Self with all the passion that is in you. For it is the very source of the contentment and happiness that is your birthright and your “natural wealth.”

Week of February 27th 

Monday, February 27th

Wednesday, February 29th 

Thursday, March 1st

Friday, March 2nd

Saturday, March 3rd 

Sunday, March 4th 


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Gratitude Rituals

Gratitude is an awareness of what is, a proclamation of the blessings that accompany us on our journey in each moment, a compassionate song we sing with ourselves, an honoring of our ancestors prayers for our lives each day. It is a still moment of reflection, a joyous dance of celebration, an abundant stream that quells  our deepest thirst, infinite fingerprints of being alive, a practice of opening our hearts to the earth’s wisdom, a listening to Spirit’s reflection in all that we breath in and breathe out.

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The Gospel According to Shug by Alice Walker

In honor of YOU and all the ways that you bless yourself and community, here are words of wisdom from one of the most transformative books I’ve ever read by one of my favorite authors, The Temple of My Familar by Alice Walker. This incredible work  chronicles the evolution of the human spirit and the many journeys we take to find ourselves and each other. I hope you feel inspired to write your own “beatitudes” and continue to show gratitude to all the ways that you shine. Alice Walker says “being helped” means being blessed and being in an active relationship with God, who does not bestow blessings on us when we do right things; instead helps us do them, being with us, or in us, through the whole process.

HELPED are those who are enemies of their own racism; they shall live in harmony with the citizens of this world, and not with those of their ancestors, which has passed away, and which they shall never see again.

HELPED are those born from love: conceived in their father’s tenderness and their mother’s orgasm, for they shall be those – numbers of whom will be called “illegitimate” whose spirits shall know no boundaries, even between heaven and earth, and whose eyes shall reveal the spark of the love that was their own creation. They shall know joy equal to their suffering and they will lead multitudes into dancing and Peace.

HELPED are those too busy living to respond when they are wrongfully attacked: on their walks they shall find mysteries so intriguing as to distract them from every blow.

HELPED are those who find something in Creation to admire each and every hour. Their days will overflow with beauty and the darkest dungeon will offer gifts.

HELPED are those who receive only to give; always in their house will be the circular energy of generosity; and in their hearts a beginning of new age on Earth: when no keys will be needed to unlock the heart and no locks will be needed on the doors.

HELPED are those who love the stranger; in this they reflect the heart of the Creator and that of the Mother.

HELPED are those who are content to be themselves; they will never lack mystery in their lives and the joys of self-discovery will be constant.

HELPED are those who love the entire cosmos rather than their own tiny country, city, or farm, for to them will be shown the unbroken web of life and the meaning of infinity.

HELPED are those who live in quietness, knowing neither brand name nor fad; they shall live every day as if in eternity, and each moment shall be full as it is long.

HELPED are those who love others unsplit off from their faults; to them will be given clarity of vision.

HELPED are those who create anything at all, for they shall relive the thrill of their own conception, and realize a partnership in the creation of the Universe that keeps them responsible and cheerful.

HELPED are those who love the Earth, their mother, and who willingly suffer that she may no die; in their grief over her pain they will weep rivers of blood, and in their joy in her lively response to love, they will converse with trees.

HELPED are those whose every act is a prayer for harmony in the Universe, for they are the restorers of balance to our planet. To them will be given the insight that every good act done anywhere in the cosmos welcomes the life of an animal or a child.

HELPED are those who risk themselves for others’ sakes; to them will be given increasing opportunities for ever greater risks. Theirs will be a vision of the world in which no one’s gift is despised or lost.

HELPED are those who strive to give up their anger; their reward will be that in any confrontation their first thoughts will never be of violence or war.

HELPED are those whose every act is a prayer for peace; on them depends the future of the world.

HELPED are those who forgive; their reward shall be forgetfulness of every evil done to them. It will be in their power, therefore, to envision the new Earth.

HELPED are those who are shown the existence of the Creator’s magic in the Universe, they shall experience delight and astonishment without ceasing.

HELPED are those who laugh with a pure heart; theirs will be the company of the jolly righteous.

HELPED are those who love all the colors of all the human beings, as they love all the colors of animals and plants; none of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any parts of themselves, shall be hidden from them.

HELPED are those who love the lesbian, the gay, and the straight, as they love the sun, the moon, and the stars. None of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any parts of themselves, shall be hidden from them.

HELPED are those who love the broken and the whole; none of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any of themselves shall be despised.

HELPED are those who do not join mobs; theirs shall be the understanding that to attack in anger is to murder in confusion.

HELPED are those who find the courage to do at least one small thing each day to help the existence of another – plant, animal, river, or other human being. They shall be joined by a multitude of the timid.

HELPED are those who lose their fear of death; theirs is the power to envision the future in a blade of grass.

HELPED are those who love and actively support the diversity of life; they shall be secure in their differentness.

HELPED are those who know.

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Neroli Affirmations

from the Four Seasons of Mojo: An Herbal Guide to Natural Living by Stephanie Rose Bird

After the flurry of holidays, sometimes there is a downturn in mood by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around. This is multiplied if you are single, on the verge of a breakup , or widowed. These affirmations are useful healers for a variety of reasons. Are you sick of seeing and smelling roses this time of year? Try neroli absolute or essential oil-it is a spiritual oil that builds confidence where it is lacking and cheers up the spirit. Your can do this in three different ways, depending on what is available to you.

  1. Place a bowl of fresh oranges you have carefully selected on a piece of furniture or on the sink near a mirror.
  2. Dab neroli oil (sparingly) on your pulse points (temple, wrists, back of the knees, etc)
  3. Mix your face and hair with neroli hydrosol (aslo called orange flower water) then say each affirmation as you lok in the mirror.
  • I accept myself as I am
  • I welcome the person I am becoming
  • I surround myself with love
  • I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made
  • I forgive the harm brought to me by others
  • I am ready to move forward

Blessed Be!!!

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Weekly Self and Community Care Offerings in NYC Week of February 20

Week of February 20

Monday, February 20th

Tuesday, February 21st

Happy New Moon in Pisces!!!!

Wednesday, February 22nd

Thursday, February 23rd 

Friday, Friday 24th 

Saturday, February 25th 

Sunday, February 26th 



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100 + ways to show love to yourself and your community

In honor of love day, which is today and every single day, here is a growing list of ways to show love to yourself and your community. Thank you to everyone that contributed to this glowing list. I love you so incredibly much! You are what makes love alive and brilliantly visible!!!


  1. Tell yourself the truth about who you are
  2. Create a vision map that creatively showcases how you intentionally want to live your life
  3. Write your own definition of what love means to you and put it into practice
  4. Make a list of your personal boundaries within relationships. Identify what a healthy relationship means to you
  6. Get enough sleep. Each night get up to 6-8 hours of sleep so that your body can recover from the present day and rejuvenate for the day ahead.
  7. Spend time alone
  8. Dance around naked in your room to your favorite soundtrack
  9. Write a love letter to yourself about what you appreciate about YOU physically,  emotionally and spiritually
  10. Create a workshop about something you are passionate about and share it with friends
  11. Practice actively listening to yourself and your needs
  12. Get tested for STDS
  13. Improve your facilitation skills
  14. Bask in nature
  15. Take a healing bath
  16. Cut your spending and save more
  17. Un-procrastinate!!
  18. Find the elusive work-life balance
  19. Pray for the person on your mind right now
  21. Honor your body with beautiful, delicious and healthy foods
  22. Put fear aside and trust in the universe
  23. Trust in your ability to do good
  25. Participate in a sweat lodge
  26. Make a gratitude list of people who love you
  27. Speak up for yourself
  28. Attend a free 5 day activist retreat
  29. Embrace your spirit totem
  30. Write an ode to your future self
  31. Participate in community acupuncture
  32. Be still
  33. Be compassionate with yourself on your journey
  34. Dance! Dance! Dance!, whether its taking a dance class or going out dancing
  35. Join a laughter yoga class
  36. Create a blog about something you are passionate about
  37. Clean out your homespace and workspace. Reduce clutter
  38. Allow yourself to grieve
  39. Quit your job if it is not serving you and in line with your purpose
  40. Make a dreamcatcher
  41. Celebrate your successes
  42. Make love balms for yourself and your loved ones
  43. Do a letting go ritual to release all that does not serve you
  44. Learn a new hobby
  45. Practice saying “NO” 
  46. Love yourself unconditionally
  47. Live the life you envision for yourself with intention, courage and surrender
  48. Go on a word fast. Spend a day in silence and in deep prayer and reflection
  49. Embrace the full spectrum of who you are and your ever-evolving journey
  50. Release an old habit and welcome in a healthy habit
  51. Spend time alone
  52. Say i love you to someone you love as a daily practice
  53. Create a gratitude list of all the things in your life you are grateful for
  54. Allow yourself to hear someone when they tell you they love you
  55. Go to feminist sex shops
  56. Look at images of bodies that reflect your  own at least once a day, naked and clothed!
  57. Take your sweet time putting lotion/oil on, dancing, reading, braiding my hair
  58. Schedule a friendship date with one of your dear friends
  59. Create healthy boundaries in your relationships
  60. Climb a tree



  1. Define what community means to you with communities you identify with and put it into practice with integrity and care
  2. Honor your ancestors
  3. Host a progressive dinner with your community
  4. Stop law enforcement violence against women of color and trans people of color
  5. Develop community accountability principles, process and practices
  6. Support community members in telling their stories 
  7. Talk about suicide in safe and accurate ways
  8. Start a safe space program
  9. Build an earthship
  10. Build a communal vision map
  11. Be a fierce LGBTQ ally
  12. Support your community in getting tested
  13. Be a fierce ally as someone with privilege
  14. Support a survivor of rape
  16. Compost
  17. Support anti-oppression practices and principles in your community
  18. Start a community garden
  19. Do a new moon celebration ritual ceremony
  20. Support a loved one from transitioning out of an unhealthy relationship
  21. Tell your community how much you love them
  22. Bike together
  23. Write a gratitude letter to your community
  24. Create a communal lending library
  25. Start or support your local CSA (Community supported Agriculture)
  26. Host a community skillshare
  27. Send handwritten gratitude love letters to folks in your community
  28. Live a life you envision in community
  29. LAUGH
  30. Celebrate your successes
  31. Participate in grieving rituals
  32. Support youth in getting access to comprehensive information and resources
  33. Support your local farmers
  34. Be honest with each other
  35. Love each other
  36. Create intentional spaces where community resources that support personal and collective well-being can be shared
  37. Reflect on  your relationships with each other, what has worked, what needs more work
  38. Deepen relationships with people you only know on a surface level
  39. Read bed time stories to each other
  40. Support a recovering addict
  41. Start and/or support an organizing campaign to create systemic change in your community
  42. Make community events accessible to all people. Create safe spaces that allow the fullest expression of age, gender, race, sexual orientation, body expression, political belief, spirituality, economic status, relationships status..etc
  43. HUGS!!
  44. Practice healthy polyamorous relationships
  45. LISTEN!!!
  46. Ask the best ways to support each other
  47. Build a communal bank account
  48. Say “NO” to things that do not encourage communal growth
  49. Build a communal tree house
  50. Play and take care of each other’s children
  51. Create organizations that can support youth in dealing with crisis 
  52. Suspend judgement of yourself and others
  53. Be honest about your capacity before you say YES
  54. Know your rights when encountering law enforcement 
  55. Create a community podcast about something you all are passionate about
  56. Practice consensus building processes
  57. Learn methods of nonviolent protest and persuasion 
  58. Support men in taking action around sexual harassment 
  59. Teach youth how to practice safer sex
  60. Take your community out on a date


Add to the list!!! what are ways that you take care of yourself and your communities? 


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Weekly Self and Community Care Offerings in NYC Week of February 13

Week of February 13th

Monday, February 13th

Tuesday, February 14th

Wednesday, February 15th

Thursday, February 16th

Saturday, February 18th



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February Rituals

Happy February everyone!! Is it me or did January swim past faster than I could say “Happy New Year”?  Each month seems to pass by faster and faster the older I get. My dad’s words to me growing up, grab a hold of me tighter now. “Akum, life is short, it goes by faster than you can blink, make sure every moment counts” He’s right! As February begins, I reflect on my dad’s wisdom.  I ask myself how this month will be a reflection of my most authentic, most courageous, most loving, most fearless, most abundant self? How can I make every moment, especially the present moment, count?!?! This feels like a daunting task, but it helps to start from this place of awareness. Becoming aware of each present moment and recognizing the power each moment has to heal, transform, recharge, BREATHE, relax, reconnect.

My ego often has a hard time staying in this state of presentness though. The past and the future seem to be more seductive. Between worrying about the past, planning for the future, wishing for a different yesterday, analyzing and re-analyzing what the next moment and the next moment and the next moment will look like, my ego misses the present moment, and before you know it a new month has passed. So how can this month be different? How can every moment we live be savored rather than chewed quickly? How can February be more aligned with our most present selves?

Well it helps to start by looking at the significance of February and the power which this month holds.

The word February is born from the Latin word Februairius, meaning to “purify” or “expiate”. In Rome, February was honored as the “Month of Purification”. Festivals, rituals, and ceremonies were celebrated to re-center and purify the country. One such festival was the Feast of Feralia,  which honored ancestors and loved ones who had passed away.

February’s birth flower is the Violet. Violets are often associated with inspiration because of how brightly they bloom in the winter months. Violets have also been known to symbolize humility, hope and promise. The color of violet is symbolic of the crown chakra as well, situated on the top of the head, often where violets are traditional worn. The crown chakra is the foundation of our spiritual body. It rules our central nervous system, pituitary gland, cerebral cortex and cerebrum. Physical ailments such as headaches, anxiety, immune disorder, and worry are often associated with an imbalance of this chakra. When the crown chakra is balanced, the ego is silenced and we are open to trusting our higher selves and spiritual guides.

With Black History and Valentine’s Day, February historically has also been dubbed the month of love. Whether you are pouring love into yourself, your history, your partner, your friends, your ancestors, this month heralds energy that focuses on the hows, whens, whys and who’s of giving and receiving love. To be very honest, I  find a lot of how our society chooses to celebrate this month quite stressful and a bit ludicrous because of how deeply connected it is to materialism and the commercialization of love. The act of love and celebration translates into “things” that can and “should” be bought. Love, as expansive and infinite as it is, deserves to be celebrated and honored every day, in every moment, to all living beings, unconditionally, in ways that allow the essence of love to fully shine. Refocusing the energy has been my saving grace. Luckily,  there are ways to get grounded and engage with spaces, traditions and people that are more aligned with how I want to celebrate love. Each year carves another opportunity for me to asses this question,” how do i want to nurture love?” and provides room to respond honestly and creatively.

I believe nurturing love means telling the truth about who we are. It is seeing and supporting the full expression of truth in ourselves and others, without judgement, with deep compassion and forgiveness AND with the ever-expanding desire to continue to understand who we are as evolving beings. We must learn to give ourselves the love that we want so that we do not get trapped into seeking others to fill that void for us. This does not mean that we don’t allow others to love us. It means loving ourselves whole to welcome love from others that will support them in loving us fully and reciprocally support us in loving them wholeheartedly. The beauty of love is that we can plant, grow and harvest it ourselves at any given moment, as long as we give ourselves the permission to do so. We need to take responsibility for carving love in the palm of our hearts, to bear witness to the deep fruits of transformation and healing that can bloom.

Now obviously this isn’t an easy journey but it is one that we can all embark on AND succeed!!!!.  For many of us, love has been conditional, filled with restrictions, judgements, distinctions, constraints. Many of us have been exposed to models of loving, as early as our childhoods, that lock us into loving in ways that does not support the truth that lives within us.  Creating space to understand and nurture what we feel, what we what, what is clouding our present, and plant healthier habits is essential.

Granted these February themes can be observed any and every month, its helpful to understand their specificity to February and spend time reflecting and recognizing how these themes come up in your life. I find all of this symbolism particularly powerful and synchronistic with what I need to nurture in my life right now.

So lets check in with ourselves for a moment. what comes up for us around love? What are our biggest fears? What comes up around loving ourselves, loving our friends, loving our partners,  loving our family, loving our history, loving our ancestors, loving our community, loving our higher selves?

Commit to listening to the answers that arise. Commit to seeing these fears for what they are and not how they control you. Learn their language, name them, allow them to speak so that you can better understand how to let them go. Nurture this process with compassion and love and understanding. Commit to not doing this on your own. Seek community that will stand with you, pray with you, laugh with you, cry with you, push you to that next level of understanding of your self and each other.

My intention for us this month is that we

Embrace the sacredness of who we are 

Awaken and embody the truth within ourselves

Liberate our love from conditions, restrictions, suffocating roles, unhealthy spaces

Engage wholeheartedly in perpertual endless love for all that we are and will be 

Cultivate space that allows us to negotiate our unique journeys with love 

Develop healthy co-commited, reciprocally loving relationships with ourselves and others


Thank you for honoring February, yourself, each other and the love that is ever expanding in all of us!!!!

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Healthy, Affordable, Yummy Recipes for people on the go #2

Here is another fast, healthy, affordable and absolutely delicious recipe made by  Jen, Nadia and I, the ladies of Decadance Theatre, on tour in Miami this past week. Ingredients cost $10 and again fed 3 hungry dancers. To read the first post of this series, click here Enjoy!!!

Rainbow Stir-Fry


  •  2 heads of broccoli, cut into florets: Broccoli is an incredible source of vitamin C and a great fighter against cold symptoms
  • 1 large mango, pitted, peeled, thinly sliced: Mangoes have a plethora of benefits. They are great for improving digestion, treating acne, and lowering cholesterol
  • 1 large red pepper, chopped: These antioxidant rich veggies are bursting with vitamin A, C & K and support the body’s immune system development
  • 3/4 pound of tofu, sliced: Tofu is an excellent source of protein and iron
  • 3 tablespoons of soy sauce : Soy sauce is rich in vitamins and minerals. Tryptophan, an essential amino acid in soy sauce is wonderful at stabilizing moods and promoting healthy sleep
  • 3 tablespoons of honey: Honey is a natural remedy for ailments such as hangovers, sore throats and sleeplessness. It is also great at cleansing and improving the digestive system
  • 3/4 pound of shitake mushrooms, sliced: Shitake mushrooms are rich in iron and are incredibly supportive with the immune system and in reducing cholesterol
  • 2 cups of brown rice, cooked 
  • 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil 
  • small red onion, chopped 
  • 1 clove of garlic, chopped
  • 1/2 cup of roasted peanuts 


In a large pan, sauté onions and garlic for 1 minute on medium heat. Add tofu and cook until golden brown. Reduce heat to low and add broccoli, red peppers and mushrooms and sauté for 5 mins. Add soy sauce and honey and stir until sauce thickens. Add peanuts and stir for 1 minute. Serve over brown rice.

what are some of your favorite healthy, yummy, affordable recipes? Share with us

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